Friday, March 21, 2014

A Pessimistic View of Psalm 23

This will give you a smile from my book Slaying Your Giants

Commentary on Psalm 23 
by Ima Whiner

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.
“Shall not want”? Give me a break. I want lots of things. I’d like to have a nicer house, a better job, and a pay raise. I want people to do what I say, when I say. And I wouldn’t mind winning the lottery either.

He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters.
I have a problem with the words “makes me.” That sounds a bit legalistic to me. First you say I can’t want things; now you’re making me do things. 

He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
I don’t want to be guided down the paths of righteousness. I prefer the more scenic routes. How about leading me to Hawaii for a change? What about Vegas? I’m getting a little tired of the paths of righteousness. The next thing you know, you’ll be leading me down a dark alley.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil; for You are with me.
What am I doing walking through the valley of the shadow of death? I thought I was supposed to be lying down in green pastures. Did you take a wrong turn, or what? And you call yourself a Shepherd?

Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
To tell you the truth, a rod and staff are not my idea of comfort. A rod and reel, I’ll take. A back massage would be even better. Skip the rod and staff.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies.
Great. Out of all the restaurants in the world, you choose the one where my enemies like to eat. I’m sure I’ll relish every bite of that meal.

You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.
I don’t want any oil on my head. I prefer shampoo. And for goodness sake, can’t you stop pouring before my cup overflows? What kind of waiter are you anyway? How would you like to have hot coffee spilled all over your hand?

Surely goodness and loving-kindness will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
I don’t want to be confined to a house forever. That sounds like a prison. It might be nice to step outside once every thousand years or so. I never will understand why so many people love the Twenty-third Psalm.
(Kent Crockett, Slaying Your Giants, Hendrickson Publishers, 2013, pp. 116-117) 
Watch this NEW VIDEO on The Antichrist.”  He will be a world ruler who will control all buying and selling by making everyone receive a mark on their right hand or forehead.