Monday, July 26, 2010

Deposits and Withdrawals

Willard Harley in his book His Needs, Her Needs says that relationships work just like a bank account where you make deposits and withdrawals. Deposits are pleasant and friendly interactions with others, like smiling and speaking words of encouragement. Withdrawals are angry and hurtful encounters with others, such as frowning, criticizing, and arguing. If you are making more deposits than withdrawals with an individual, you'll have an enjoyable relationship. But if you are making more withdrawals, your relationship with that person will eventually go bankrupt.

Jesus talked about deposits and withdrawals in Luke 6:27-28:
When people hate you (withdrawal), do good to them (deposit).
When people curse you (withdrawal), bless them (deposit).
When people mistreat you (withdrawal), pray for them (deposit).
In other words, respond in the opposite spirit.

To make a valid deposit in another person's account, it must be in a currency that's acceptable to the other person's bank. What you like to receive may not be what they like to receive. My wife's "relationship bank" likes to receive flowers as deposits. My bank, however, doesn't accept flowers. Since I'm a Texas A&M fan, my bank likes to receive Aggie sports paraphernalia as deposits. You get the idea. If you want to bless someone and build the relationship, give them something that they would like to receive.

You can turn a bad marriage into a good marriage by building up the account balance. Stop making so many withdrawals (fighting and arguing) and start making lots of deposits in your spouse's relationship bank (dating and having fun together).
To listen to the entire message on this topic go to and click on
"Relationships, Part 3, Do the Opposite."
Keep looking up!